We are having a playdate at Northside Park with Colins friend Nathan (smily kid from tball) and his Mom and sister. Kirby gets stung by a bee, but we stay, because we are tough like that.
It's 11:30 and we are in the car backing up to go home when I see Nathans mom running and screaming, so with my cat like reflexes, I put the car in park and jump out to see what is wrong. I'll tell you what was wrong, a raccoon was chasing them. Not like "oh, a raccoon walked out of the woods in the middle of the day," Nope, full on running towards them. Pam is yelling, throwing sticks-even barking-yep-folks to no avail. I yell, "Pam, drop your bag," because I remember that she had food in in from earlier (So Macgyver of me, I know). The raccoon literally runs over the top of the bag and is darting for Pam.
*Side note, we had seen Mark Evangelista at the park (who left before the raccoon incident) and I had to introduce him to Pam which resulted in Mark making funny faces at me for like 20 minutes because her name is Pam*
I see Pam's kids and quick yell at them to get in my car. Pam and Nathan start running towards the car and literally get in and close the driver door as the raccoon in scratching on the outside. I am still out of the car and so is their 5 year old daughter Sara. I yell at Sara to run across the street with me, thinking that the raccoon will find something else to chase. Nope. The raccoon makes a bee line for me, now holding Sara. I am sprinting, like 8th grade track speed to the park to get away. I pick up every stick I can on the way and am throwing them behind me at the raccoon, yelling, shouting, everything, didn't matter, that raccoon had seen these meaty legs and was thinking about some lunch. I get to the closest picnic table and climb to the top and set Sara down. Camp Illini is having lunch right next to us, so imagine the horrified look on the 500 2nd graders and the 25 teenage counselors faces as they are watching this unfold during lunch. I am screaming, "someone help us, throw your food, sacrifice yourself (kidding, maybe)" NO ONE, not one single person helped me, they all ran into the park. This is where it gets bad.
The raccoon climbs on top of the table.
Let me reset the stage.
Meg and virtual strangers young child screaming on top of picnic table in middle of crowded park.
No one is helping.
My children and virtual stranger mother and son in my car watching this all happen.
Raccoon on top of table.
So, screw you Camp Illini, you aren't going to help me then fight this dang thing yourself. I grab Sara and jump off the table and run toward the crowd...raccoon is hot on my heels, like so hot I can hear him grunting. I have seen the claws, I have seen the teeth, I am honestly at this point only thinking to get sara into the crowd and then out run this raccoon back to my car. But as I look up, its not Camp Illini, no, its a special needs camp and the only people left in the picnic grounds are wheelchair bound. Of course. and now I have led Kujo into their picnic. One counselor has a backpack, I yell at him to throw me his pack, which he does not do. As the parade of sara, me and the raccoon rapidly approach, he comes forward and starts hitting the raccoon with said backpack. The claw is stuck on the pack and now he is trying to shake it off. holy crap. every mom in a 35 mile radius had their kid packed up and in the car and outta there so fast it was amazing. As this teenage counselor is wrestling the raccoon to save his North Face backpack, I see an opportunity and get out of dodge. I tell sara to run to my car as fast as she can and I am right behind her. Her mom sees us coming and jumps out of my car, grabs sara and gets in their car.
I am in the drivers seat, door closed and look up to see that someone has grabbed a blanket and has apparently covered the raccoon, so I squeal the tires out of there and dial 911-of course-but, don't worry, they had already had several calls and were almost in the area. I look back at Colin and Kirby who were sure they had a glimpse at the fiery furnace of hell that they were equal parts screaming, crying and not breathing. great. so now we have the talk about remaining calm in an emergency, helping friends when you see they are in trouble, mom will always protect you-even if it means fighting off a rodent of unusual size ROUS and when in doubt, run towards a large group and then leave the mess to them.
A few final notes, no one was hurt-as far as I know-in the chase. Pam called and said they parked up at the pool and watched the aftermath. I'm not sure what happened to the raccoon. i was wearing shorts and flip flops so I couldn't kick it (i wouldn't have kicked it even if it was wearing boots and jeans) I googled "how to defend yourself in a raccoon attack" and got no useful results. My heart is still racing. It's been 4 hours.
1 comment:
meg. you are so funny and i just about peed in my pants reading this. you should tell stories for a job.
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